Thursday, March 24, 2011

Yes, my baby is 8 years old now, it has gone so fast since she was born. We have done so many wonderful things as a family and will continue giving our children the very best up bringing that we can. Our main aim is to try and keep the balance, and to promote Independence in the kids. I think we are on track there :)

I am having a hard time at the moment in regards to my Pa. As my lovely readers know, my Pa, My Dad;s Dad, is palliative with pancreatic Cancer. We found this out on Christmas Day. I sure did not think my Pa would be around to this day. I believe firmly that he is still around because of the love and support he has from my Aunt and Uncle as well as their 8 children, and from me and my little family.. and, the umpteen friends my Pa has made in the last four years since my Grandma's passing. My Grandma was not a social person. My Pa has always been in the Freemason's Lodge (Grand poo bah). That has always been his social avenue. In the last four years the Freemasons have played a large role in my Pa's social engagements. So too have his love of Thai Chi, Croquet, Line Dancing, going to the gym and a little walking group he was in. He ventured out on bus trips with "the girls", going to Melbourne for the day to shop, or even going over to Tasmania last year with a group of "sheila's". He has slowly been winding down in the past month. Pa lives at home and has support of the palliative nurses and council cleaners and lawn mowers. He has a push button alert around his neck in case he takes a fall, the neighbours will be alerted as well as my Uncle in such a time of need. Yesterday he told me he is not really in much pain at the moment, the medicines are "doing their thing". But, he just cannot get over the overwhelming feeling of loss of much of the Independence he had these past four years. He just feels... "just so lousy all the time". For the first time my Pa cried and hugged me tight yesterday. It shook me up, I have not ever seen my Pa as an old man, but now he is so little (loss of weight) and so vulnerable... and yet still so suave. He was dressed in suit pants and a lovely shirt.

I did not want to leave his house yesterday. When I got there he had just returned from the barber shop, he had his lovely hair cut nice and neat. We sat and chatted a while. He said he had not been able to come at food for a few days. So I said I would go to the shops and get some fresh foods and see if he fancied them. I got juicy pears, some watermelon and a small dark chocolate bar. He liked them all, and was pleased with himself for eating them. As his diabetes just is not an issue now, he can eat what he likes when he likes... but only when he feels like it too.

On the way home I stopped a few times because I was so upset. I called in to see my Aunt and Uncle, they live out of Malmsbury which is on the way home for me from my Pa's place. It was so nice to catch up with them too. I love them dearly as they are like parents to me. I did not want to leave them as I love the area they live in, the Aussie Bush is beautiful and peaceful.

Time to go, I have to work night shift tonight. I guess it is a good thing as I cannot sleep through worry any how. xoxo


Andrew said...

Gosh he is doing well considering the type of cancer he has. Tear in my eye for you Caz.

Cazzie!!! said...

Andrew, I want to thank you for being such a wonderful friend over these years, your comments and your opinions mean alot to me. xoxo

Jules said...

What a lovely stoic man your Pa is Cazzie. He is doing so well and these times you will treasure in your memories for years to come.

So few of our generation stop to give their grandparents time and before you know it they are out of your lives and you wish you could give them more of that precious time you missed.

Your extended family is a blessing to your Pa. Love Julesxx

Mom said...

One of the hardest parts of life is watching people we love become old and frail. It is just so painful. Family is such a wonderful blessing. You are blessed with a long line of love that you are passing on to your children.

Middle Child said...

Oh Cazie - its so hard to see beautiful people /souls go...and he will go but what a legacy you are leaving him with